Those Yearbooks in the Attic

Over this past year a LOT of things have changed. God's redirected my call and my career path, which I'm so excited about, but despite all the new things happening I still feel myself yearning for something new and exciting. I usually get a haircut or dye it or rearrange my room when I start feeling anxious like this, but there's only so much I can do. I really don't know what I'm anxious for. I keep wanting something, but what?

I've realized I've been look through old yearbooks from high school and middle school and wishing I could redo those friendships. If only I were who I am now then. Now sure people would say, "Then you wouldn't be who you are today. Those parts of your life make you who you are." Yeah, sure I get that, but what kind of deepened friendships could I have now if things had happened differently then?

I think I also wonder that about my relationship with God. I like to think that my relationship was better than most at that age, but what would our relationship look like now if I had developed better habits and spent more time with Him then?

God and I have sort of lost touch in some ways. I'm not growing deeper with Him. I keep seeing other people thirsty for growth around me and I have this overwhelming desire to help them, but what I think I'm discovering is that rather than helping them, I'm also overwhelmed with the desire to grow with them. I'm so thirsty for the same knowledge and growth that I cling to where ever I can find a glimpse of it.

I wish there was a way to look through a yearbook of your relationship with God. I just think it would be neat to look back at all that has happened and really be able to remember and cherish the memories. Wouldn't it be neat to see God's note in the cover. To not only see the highlights and big moments of the year, but the little details and activities you did together as well. Even if you forget some of the things that happened years ago and you just stored those memories in a box in the attic. You go up for Spring cleaning and blow the dust off and are able to reminisce with Him. You can see your good years and your bad. You can look back and say, "Oh, we should do that again. That was fun."

Well, I think it's time for some Spring cleaning with my relationship with God. To blow the dust off those forgotten memories and really take the time to remember the good and the bad. I want to rekindle my relationship with God. I want to spark that fire in my heart again and create more exciting memories with Him to put in the yearbook.